It turns out that turf accountants don’t tell you how much turf you need or how much it’s going to cost.

so, we took out our measuring tape, took some measurements, calculated the area, added a little on and then rounded it up to a nice round number.

The ducks are happy with the spare 6m² we had, but didn’t need…

In honour of Les Dawson and the unmissable Blankety Blank, here’s an inoffensive joke. Feel free to add offence of your choice to the blank.

A couple hired a contractor to repaint their bedrooms. They walked him through the house and told him what colours they wanted for each room.
As they walked through the first room, they said, “We think we would like this room in a cream colour.”
The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, “Green side up!”
He then closed the window and continued following the couple to the next room. They looked slightly confused, but proceeded with their tour. “In this room, we were thinking of an off-blue.”
Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, “Green side up!”
This baffled the couple, but they were hesitant to say anything. In the next room, they said they would like it painted in a dusty pink.
Once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, “Green side up!”
Struck with curiosity, the couple mustered up the nerve to ask, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’ out our windows every time we tell you the colour we’d like the room painted?”

The contractor replied, “I’m dreadfully sorry, but I’ve a crew of ………. laying turf across the street.”